wanting to go....
Have you ever?
Have you ever felt like jumping out of the window?
Just to see if it hurts...
Did you ever stand on a rooftop?
Almost jumping just hoping the wind will carry you away...
Did you ever stand on a beach willing to start swimming and never stop?
Just to see how far you could go...
Have you ever spend a day dreaming away?
Just to let the world fade...
I really feel like going away these days. I'm just really tired and bored.
I don't know why I love being here, but sometimes I just don't know why I'm here any more.
I feel like I'm standing in the middle of the room screaming my longs out and nobody even notices I'm there... I feel like I'm lost in between to worlds again like always torn apart between my heart and my head. And not only that but between so many things and I just don't want to explain any more. I don't want to have to work at being noticed or have to ask things so people will talk or scream so some one else can talk or even for myself just to be noticed.
Would any one notice if I would just be swept away of this world? Maybe the managers because there is nobody there to work... But if I just wouldn't go back to the staff house would any one notice? Would any one notice that I'm not back at my parents place after a year has gone by? What if after 2? Would they wonder and finally decide to send me an e-mail wondering where I am?
Some times I really wish I could just go if I could just fly away to a place where no one knows me and just find out, but unfortunately I don't have the money or the ability to do that...
I know things will be better I'm just really tired and quite annoyed as well things have just been going badly today. And I just needed to get it off my heart.
posted by Christina @ 12:36 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I'd notice certainly take notice! So don't you go swimming off into any seas or opening any subspace portals.
As usual I find you're being just honestly you. But believe me, lots of people feel the same way, they just won't say it.
But you do matter. God didn't waste His time making you. That's just not his thing.
You are really noticed in the house, Christina. And wel... I did not even speak to you that much, but I still wanted to visit your blog. :)
I know that your blog may be 'just' a quick cry out and that it is a mood people sometimes can have, but I will react seriously.
Because you know... In the first two weeks at the Shelter, I didn't talk to you a lot. And that was because when we biked because of the baptism, you were biking apart from the rest. It was because in the house I saw you many times coming out of your room (which made me think that you like to be alone) and you did not start a conversation. All that made me think that you did not want to have all kinds of conversations, etc.
After a few weeks we talked about the outreach. You were reading a book but stopped doing that and talked with me for something like 15 minutes. It seemed that you liked talking. That made a difference. And later on, we had fun doing stupid dances. I got a totally different view of you. You were the one who liked to dance, you also liked to have a longer conversation than 'hi'.
So... my advice: try to have a conversation with someone who just arrived. That will make a difference! I'm sure. :)
Whoow... serious and all in the English language. :) And that on the day I celebrate my birthday. I will stop now, time to go on.
"Read you later"
Gert Jan
Post a Comment
<< Home